fredag 10. desember 2010

How to make your man a listener

How to make your man a listener?

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We hear our girlfriends say " girl if he don`t blablablablabla blabla, he is not good for you" Well, sometimes you meet someone, or a boy who has flaws. He drives you up the wall in both good and bad ways. You should never hold on to a man who gives you more pain than joy, and a man should never ever ever, if not by mistake,  disrespect you, your girlfriends, girls in general, or other people. Because then he`ll probably end up disrespecting you later on.

But sometimes we meet people, who are fascinating enough to make us hold on a little while, to check out what could possibly be there. And sometimes we know, that relationships takes time, and one must work on communication and trust , both ways.
So....what if you have meet a good honest man, but he has a flaw, and let say that flaw for today is
" sometimes he is totaly egoistic and really can`t stop talking about himself on the phone, and after talking about himself for 40 minutes he says he has to go because he has to do something".

 And this occurs, not everytime, but more than enough to irritate you, what do you then do to make him understand that this is a bad way of behaving? Because you know him well enough to know that this is just a habit of his and he really does not mean to hurt you by it?


Lets think of a plan...

  1. Confront him, "Now you have spend all this time talking about yourself, and now you want to hang up this is unfair" But..... the pride in you awakens and stops you before you speak and tells you;" What do you want to accomplish with this?, you don?t want to beg for a man to talk to you, and if he says " sorry , please talk" then you`r already angry so you don`t really want to talk with him after that anyway".  So you probably end up saying nothing, just because you really don`t want to talk with him after that. But, confronting is probably the most adult way to handle it. 
  2. If you know he will not understand a confrontation, because he is so (stupid?naive?) stubborn?, used to talk like this that he does not understand that it is a behavior that is hurting. You probably have an even worse case to handle, than a man who really ain`t interested in hearing you talk anyway. Because sometimes that is the case, some men feel that girls talk "girl talk" all the time so they really don`t want to hear "girls talk". Such men are fools and should be gotten rid of, so don`t date guys like that and they all will have to change to get laid. (probably?)  BUT: back to the topic, this guy is just stupid, or is not meaning to hurt you, so what could you do?
  • Don`t talk to him for a while, and when you do, talk about yourself and then you say you have to go. This will, hopefully, leave him with the same feeling you get. And in that way, if you choose to confront him later, he will know what feeling to say "sorry" for. Playing games is bad, but giving lessons that can be understood is necessary.
  • Make sure that he does not get the feeling of " oooh , she likes me so I can do anything I want". It is good to express your feelings and make sure he knows that you like him, but it is important not to let his male ego get the best of him when he realises that the girl he likes so much adoooores him. It is good to adoooore, but it is not good to let all the power and decision making lay in the hands of the other person, history has proven that humans are not good when  dealing with too much power in a situation. 
  • When you talk on the phone, make sure he knows that you have a life. Because then he will know that you are  strong, independent, and has the strenght to leave, if he does something really bad. If people feel that a person will not leave them, some will act badly. Just look at kids that act badly, they know their parents are never leaving so they don`t care about their parents needs, or words. Until they are grown up and get hurt the same way. 

That is all I came up with for now. Have any add ons? please comment.

And yes, this list applies to girls as well. Sometimes girls are terrible listeners. 
And if you are a terrible listener, who has googled " how to be a better listener" because you miraculously  found out that you need to change. A good advice is; learn empathy, stop to think; " could this behavior of mine in this situation be mistaken as hurtful" ?  Because sometimes people ain`t bad. They are just raised differently, and think differently, than you do. But off course, sometimes people are asses as well. Split in the middle, difficult to read, and full of bullshit..... 

Make love not war

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